Cures for Sadness II

Here are all the responses I received. They are all anonymous.

R: Response 

Q: Question from me 

RESPONSE I

R: Prayer

Q: Does it work? And is it the first thing you go to or the last resort?

R: Yess, I don't really know

Q: Anything else you do?

R: Chocolate

Q: Ah, okay. Any regrets after eating that chocolate or you just eat it and then move on?

R: I move on.

"Cliche as it sounds, venting is good"

RESPONSE II

R: Talking to someone! Cliche as it sounds, venting is good

Q: Would you say you're the type of person who just wants to be heard and not given advice because you've probably made a decision in your mind or you vent because you really need someone to sort out your head and need advice and will follow that advice?

R: Second one. I need the advice but I won't follow it completely. It's more like guidance to be honest

Q: But honestly, 80% of the time, do you follow the advice?

R: 70 lol

Q: Makes sense. Do you think you know what's best for you? And is that the only think you do to cure sadness?

R: Eish why? Nah I don't but I learnt that the hard way. I've always been a "my life my rules" type of person. And that ish blew up in my face

Nope, I cry, I write, or I spend the day in bed lol. Sometimes a break gives a clearer vision going forward.

"I look for entertainment in a good book but guidance all at the same time."

RESPONSE III

R: Drowning yourself in words of an amazing book

Q: What type of books? Would you say that that cures the sadness or it just masks the sadness? What will you be looking for in the book? Some advice or a distraction?

R: For myself I prefer feminist books that reminds me of the victimization of women, whereby the women don't submit, women of all different walks of life. Reason being it enforces and encourages independence in myself: emotionally, physically, materialistically and growth. In my opinion it cures sadness because mentally I am able to remove myself from situations that upset me and I focus my energy on some else's story and taking lessons from that. I look for entertainment in a good book but guidance all at the same time. I feel reading equips me with the right knowledge to process sadness and to be able to push sadness out of my mind

Q: So you escape from your own reality, go into another person's and come back into your own reality with that person's resilience?

I couldn't copy the response because it came back as a voice note. But she basically said that she immerses herself in stories of powerful women, to give herself a break from her reality and when she comes back to her situation, her mind is refreshed and she can make clearer decisions influenced by resilient women. 

"It is amazing that I'm able to write only under the influence of those emotions"

RESPONSE IV

R: Reading the Bible is my ultimate cure for sadness, calling my mom, and watching short drama on YouTube

Q: Where do you go in the Bible to cure this sadness? Do you have a specific chapter you always refer to? Or do you just open and read? Do you call your mom to give you advice? Or just have her listen but you already have the solution in your head? Is it to ease the heaviness? The YouTube drama? And what type of drama do you watch? In which order do you do these things?

R: Okay, Ecclesiastes is my go to chapter mainly because it's that chapter that tell you stuff, things like "there is a time and season for everything" , stuff that is relatable and understandable and chapters such as Philippians. Those are my go-to chapters otherwise I just open and read.

I call my mom for her to listen, to cheer me up and I know she always has a story she can tell me that I could relate to (a story that might be similar to what I may be experiencing at the moment), a story with a happy ending. I always try to think of solutions to my problems without involving people but once in a while I need guidance here and there and she's my go-to person for that.

Sometimes I feel hopeless, mostly in the world of relationships, sometimes I don't know if I'm the problem or if the timing is wrong. So I like watching those LGBTQ+ themed short films or short stories just to fill me with that hope, and they work just so that I believe in love once again. 

The order, it depends on what made me sad‍. The action I take will be tailored to that thing that made me sad,  most of the time doing one thing helps.

Q: So do you believe that parents are handbooks for the things that we are going through? And we should just go to them when we are in trouble? Do you think that they can always understand what we go through?

What do you mean by "if I'm the problem or my timing is wrong?"

R: You know when you were younger you used to make a fuss about some things, things which you deem unimportant right now. So I view parents as people who have experienced most things, not necessarily the same things I experience, but using the fact that they have seen the world they (parents who are able to be open with their kids) can help you filter things which are no that important, they can help you change your mindset. At the end of the day it is up to you to me your decisions.

Sometimes I feel like I'm too strict! (I have so many things I don't want, the same things that most people want, for example going to clubs) that's why I tend to think that I'm the problem. 

By wrong timing, we're all  busy and we don't have time for each other.

Q: Oh, okay. So would you say you see your uniqueness as a problem? Do you want to have the ability to not be so strict?

In what context do we not have time for each other? And do you think that it is possible to have time for each other in the fast-paced and self-indulgent world we live in?

R: I would not want to lose my strictness for anything. It's not necessarily a major problem, it's just that people can't stand it, it mostly people who are in the inner circle who can see and feel that I'm strict. So that poses a threat of ending up alone with cats, not that I like cats.

Time for each in other in the context of dating. I think we can have time for each other if we really try.

But most importantly my cure for sadness is writing poetry

It is amazing that I'm able to write only under the influence of those emotions

Q:So do you sometimes end up compromising your strictness to ensure your friends stay your friends? Do you ever feel like them not being so strict helps you a little bit? Or does it just make you see your strictness that much more?

And do you think that you being strict is something you were born with or is a result of something that happened in your life?

How much time do you think is enough "time for each other" in terms of dating?

R: I've lost many friends and those who stay are those who can tolerate it or those who are more strict. It is something that I was born with, and sometimes life experiences reinforce it

Time to just meet or visit maybe once a week, and texting here and there with enthusiasm,

Q: But are you comfortable with it though?

Are you currently dating someone? If not, describe may you please describe your last relationship to me in terms of 'time'

R: Currently I'm not dating anyone. The last relationship, we would call each other, he used to call me once every alternating day, but we would text almost every day, it was stressful for me. I don't want to feel like I don't have other important things to do

Q: Stressful? How? What does this mean?

R: It was too much, I felt like a prisoner. I get that we are in a relationship, but we still have our own lives to take care of

Q: So you want quality time, but not too much that it becomes suffocating? Would you say you fiercely protect your independence?

R: Exactly! Absolutely!

RESPONSE V R: I could so use one right now (response to my ice cream status)  Q: Does it cure the sadness or just mask it? R: Mask. Definitely mask Q: How do you cure the sadness? R: Be honest with yourself I guess? Stop trying to defend people and stop denying your own bad choices and negligence Q: So you don't believe in talking to people to get to the root problem, you want to do it yourself? R: If talking to someone will help find the root cause then you should do exactly that. When I say you gotta be honest with yourself I mean allowing yourself to listen to what people have to say from what they've observed. Think about people with anger issues. Majority don't realize. They get easily ticked off and push people away. They will never wanna hear someone tell them they anger issues. They see everyone else as having the problem not them. Gerit now? Q: I gerit forrreaaal. But personally, if you're facing a situation that has made you sad, or just become sad for no reason; what do you do not only to mask the sadness but to get rid of the sadness. Besides listening to what other people say R: Try figure the source of the sadness. By reflecting on your life.

"an unreflective life is life not worth living" -Dr Nokukhanya Khanyile RESPONSE VI R: Books, or should I send a picture of the specific book Q: Picture please? Would you say that that cures the sadness or it just masks the sadness? What will you be looking for in the book? Some advice or a distraction? R: This is literally my go to book for anything. It's a poetry book written by Walt Whitman. I always read it online, which is annoying but I can't find the physical copy I want. The reason why it's my cure for sadness isn't just that books offer escapism, this book is an epic poem about how the universe and humanity are one, how we are all made of the same "good stuff" and we all essentially exist in each other. It's about how no human being ever really dies because I even contain in myself whatever existed at the beginning of all life so even when I "die" I continue to live on either in nature or the cosmos or even other people. So essentially it just reminds me that whatever I may be upset about I have a million stars that feel the same and reminds me of how life gets so busy we end up allowing futile things upset or hurt us. It doesn't invalidate my sadness but just reminds me that I am a necessary part of a very big and significant picture or universe. Q: My one final question is: what type of sadness leads to you reading this book? The "void, out of the blue, no reason sadness"? Or the sadness that has a cause? If it's "void" sadness, how long does it take to come back after reassuring yourself with the book, if it does at all?  If it has a reason, do you think that reading this helps you to deal with the cause better or helps you actually deal with the cause? R: It's usually the "void, out of the blue, no reason sadness" , occasionally there is an actual cause. The sadness creeps in at odd hours of the night, unpredictable and inconsistent. Sometimes it won't bother me for whole semester and then sometimes it will haunt me for a week. But then music obviously also helps I can't say it can be timed, it kind of just comes and goes Q: And do you think it's necessary for people to have those void sadness moments once in a while? R: Of course. Sadness leads to humility and also lets us appreciate happiness if or when it arrives. Sadness also leads to more thinking and reflection, whether it's about life or your choices or the people around you. It increases your sense of awareness but more than that it is in those moments of unexplainable sadness that we feel the universe/a higher power is listening to us, that our sadness and melancholy is a message to do something. During these periods some people even think their sadness makes them special or mysterious, they use it to write, or make music and art. For what it's worth, it often leads to creativity but also makes us kinder because I think during that time period we are also more aware of how we can harm or help the people around us.

The book, if you need it

RESPONSE VII R: Ice cream, dark chocolate, banana milkshake and a sad movie that makes you cry out all the pain Q: Okay, but does that cure the sadness or just mask it? And what type of sadness are your curing with that? The voidy type, without reason or the one with reason? R: The voidy type without reason

RESPONSE VIII

R: Talking with friends would be my cure for sadness 

Q: Does that cure the sadness or just mask it? And would you say you're the type of person who just wants to be heard and not given advice because you've probably made a decision in your mind or you vent because you really need someone to sort out your head and need advice and will follow that advice?

R: I think it depends on why I’m sad, sometimes I just need support to be reminded that I have people around me who care for me, other times it’s to distract me from the sadness and allow me time to process it so that I can go back with a clear head to reflect and meditate on why I felt like that.

I’m actually struggling to answer this one but ironically I don’t like speaking about my emotions except to my close close friends and even then it’s rare. By speaking to my friends I mean just speaking about random stuff, politics, movies anything except my emotions. I prefer to deal with things in a space where I can reflect by myself. I don’t ask for advice unless it’s a bad situation where I can’t find a solution or way out so to answer your questions I would say neither.

Q: So basically you figure things out yourself? How often do you need this support?

R: Yeah. It’s hard to say because it works like a spider web where we all support each other and that structure is always there

Q: But how often do you need the spider web to hold you specifically?

R: I don’t think it’s about how often I need support, rather it’s what type of support I need. Because I believe that support is always there it’s just changing forms. So for example when i am having a tough day or week or whatever, then the support is more pronounced so my friends and I might go for coffee or watch a movie or chill, but when life is going well the support changes maybe my friends and I spend time at university but we don’t message each other or we speak over WhatsApp but we don’t go out of our way to see each other. So it’s not that we aren’t supporting each other in all of those instances there is support but it’s a different form based on the situation.