Daddy, Dada, De, Father, Papa II

Disclaimer: I do not fit into all the descriptions of children given below. Although they are written in first person, it is not me speaking in all of them :)

DAD I WISH YOU WERE HERE

There are three children under this title:

Absent daddy

Daddy, did you think that mommy would be able to cope without you? Just because she physically gave birth to me alone, doesn't mean that only she has the responsibility to take care of me. Mommy needs your help with taking care of me, just like how the ovum needed the sperm's contribution to make the zygote that is me today. Look at how tired mommy is, look at how all her relationships after you have become a tug war of trying to find a suitable male figure to raise me vs trying to find love that is true and satisfying to her. Look at how many men she's had to confess she is a single mother to, only to be slapped back by a dirty look of shame. Look at how many men have come in and "accepted" me as their child, only to leave me confused and needing. Did you have to go to the other woman who pretends to like me only when you are around? My siblings are a few words away from labeling me the wedge that was driven into the middle of their perfect family. Your absence tears me apart everyday. 

The father who passed away without the chance of forming a bond

Daddy. I wonder what a life with you would be like. I miss you, even though I don't know you. I hope that you are walking beside me and mommy. It hurts but I understand that heaven couldn't wait for you. There's not much I can do, but wait and wish to see you one day.

The father who passed away after a few memories were created 

Daddy, I hold on to the memories we shared everyday. They say it is better to love and lose, than to never have loved at all. I loved you, I still love you. You created in me a child that was thoroughly quenched by the presence of both parents and now all I have is mommy, an empty shell without you. I'm thankful for the times we shared and if I knew they were going to be cut short, daddy I would have made a greater effort to love you more. The day you were born and the day you passed, will never peacefully pass again. Thank you for enlightening me with your flaws and making me a replica of all the good life had taught to you, you passed on the baton and everyday I race on with your wisdom which echoes as a voice of reason and encouragement in my secret place. I will forever miss you. 

MONEY AIN'T EVERYTHING, SPEND TIME WITH ME

Daddy, I love the Gucci, Adidas and Balmain. I can flaunt your money to everyone around me, they love me because I always have the bill, drive the cars and have the latest gadgets. When will you sit down with me and throw as much attention to my dreams, mental health and social life as much as you throw that money to me? I know, work is money and money is what you love, but when last did we discuss more than just hi and bye. I swear money knows me better than you do and your office desk knows you better than I do. I just want one hour of your time, a chance to get acquainted with your voice and the color of your eyes. 

SCREW THE COMPARISON, JUST TELL ME YOU'RE PROUD OF ME

I got a 60, the other 40 was never mine to begin with. I've made it big, the capacity that Jim's child has does not match mine. Five simple words and I am healed; I AM PROUD OF YOU, for the things I've managed to achieve, for the ground I've covered and for the person that I am. I know that you are still holding on to the pain of your father always pushing you to be more than you could ever be, please get help, please don't project grandfather's hardness on to me. You know first hand what it feels like, please daddy, just be proud of me. 

I decided to write this series after watching a movie called Me before You. I also used memories from my trip to Cape Town when I sat behind a British family on my way to Robben Island and carefully watched how the father interact with his daughters and wife. In the movie, I fell in love with how the father became of service to his child when she was tired from her job. It's actually a trend I've noticed with fathers from European countries, I'm not saying that African fathers or any other fathers are not of service to their children, there are some, many even, but most do not serve their children like British fathers do. Maybe I'm a child that is lost in the fantasy of fathers depicted in movies, constantly selling me an image I'm not able to purchase or trial.

When I wrote the first part of this series, I was excited and motivated, but when it came to writing the second part, it became challenging as I started to feel inexperienced. I did not want to write about something that has the potential to trigger many people without doing my research. That would be equivalent to giving someone the task of writing a review about chocolate when they have never even smelt the delicious scent of it in their life. So I asked a friend to read it and tell me what they really thought before I published and they added a few points under some of the children described in both articles.

Anyway, I just wanted to give a voice to some children I've had encounters with. Some of you may fit into more than one category, some into none and that's okay. My aim was to highlight the importance of fathers in children's lives and I hope I did that. Until next time xx