Friendship Dynamics - Conclusion II

DO YOU PREFER SAME SEX OR OPPOSITE SEX FRIENDSHIPS?

"Instead of using the flash in our teeth to comfort, encourage and cheer each other other on, we use it as a canvas to hide the ugly snickering and bickering that we possess behind closed doors."

Again the idea of male and female friendships being being better came up. This time it came from both a male and a female respondent and their opinions were quite different. 

The female respondent mentioned that friendships with males are more open and honest whilst friendships with females often perish at the hands of jealousy and insecurity. In the previous question, women also received a terrible review that I briefly mentioned. Another response came in after I had published the third set of responses:

R: Opposite sex. My guy friends are more honest than females.

Q: Why is that so though?

R: When it comes to relationships, I trust my guy friends more because with girls sometimes they can tell you to settle when you shouldn't (that's just an illustration). Generally I only keep the ones [guys] who are blatantly honest Idk (I don't know).

Why have women created a unhealthy environment of dishonesty for themselves when the odds are already against them in society? The amount of women tearing each other down daily, has doubled the amount of women empowerment groups that exist in society. Even I cannot answer why this is so. 

I'd like to quote Maya Angelou's famous poem Phenomenal Woman:

"It’s the fire in my eyes, 
And the flash of my teeth, 
The swing in my waist, 
And the joy in my feet. 
I’m a woman
Phenomenally." 

Instead of using the fire in our eyes to reignite the flame to fight against sexism, we use it to burn each other down. Instead of using the flash in our teeth to comfort, encourage and cheer each other other on, we use it as a canvas to hide the ugly snickering and bickering that we possess behind closed doors. I could carry on and translate the whole poem, but you get the idea.

WOMEN: Image courtesy of Pinterest

The male respondent also agreed that opposite sex friendships are better. Empathy, the ability to listen and emotional support is what females can essentially offer to males to soften their society-hardened hearts. According to him, males cannot offer these things to each other. It's funny that males get to have this part of us yet we don't give it to each other. However, is that all that females can contribute? Or are males just saying females are better at friendship with other intentions at heart? You tell me.

The male respondent also noted that males lack the soft skills required to accommodate each other on an emotional level because society has taught them that they are supposed to be void of any "weak" emotions. Ladies and gentlemen, look who decided to show up, toxic masculinity

"it's just how we do things as black men"

Younger males are becoming more aware of toxic masculinity and how damaging it is but continue to conform to it in order to retain their titles as "real men." The male respondent admitted that he cries and "never tell[s] people to stop crying," because it is actually therapeutic, but still only allowing himself to cry in his room where his male companions cannot see or record his tears. This however, is another topic on its own, at least he releases his emotions in a healthy way. 

This question was actually asked to discuss if we overestimate our ability to remain friends in opposite sex friendships. A lot of male best friends have turned into husbands, but a lot have also turned into strangers. I admit that the person you marry obviously has to be your best friend, but could you be introducing complications into a friendships by being friends (which is being open, honest and emotional) with the opposite sex? And can your significant other have a best friend of the opposite sex?

One respondent said that if both parties draw lines and are mature enough to stay in their lanes, it could work out. I then interrogated that maturity by asking if it would be okay if a boyfriend had a female best friend that came before the girl friend started dating the boyfriend. Responses received were leaning more towards being okay with it, only if the best friend came before the relationship but would get uncomfortable if the person came after. Personally, I wouldn't want my significant other to have a female best friend, whether she came before or after we started dating. Leave me out of the drawing lines and maturity, things get blurry there. Which brought me to my next question. 

DO YOU BELIEVE IN BEST FRIENDS? IF SO, WHAT BOXES MUST A REGULAR FRIEND TICK TO BECOME A BEST FRIEND?

What a touchy subject! People have become cold towards simple friendships, how do I get positive responses from this question?

If you choose the wrong person for this position, you could honestly be putting yourself in a prison that will never allow you to grow and prosper. However, I asked this question in an attempt to receive responses that would inspire me to to inspire you to bring back the goodness that comes with having best friends. I was hoping to encourage people to stop hardening their hearts and allow at least one person in.

"There should be no superiority among friends" 

I thought that best friends were chosen according to how they treat their significant BFF but the responses showed me that best friends are actually chosen according to how they treat their BFF as well as other people. This response hit me quite hard:

"even if you give me 200% respect, but I see you disrespecting someone else just because you think they are lower than you, you can never become my best friend."

This made the task of being a best friend much harder than I thought it was, not only do I have to impress you, I also have to keep those impressions constant to everyone else I have an encounter with when you're around. HEK-TIK!

The reality is that people don't want to get too close to each other anymore. Everyone is keeping each other at arms length, the perfect distance between fire and a laboratory student's body.

I just had to ask one of the respondents who was heavy on the idea that only family should become best friends, what would happen if one of her friends spontaneously started calling her her best friend? She introduced the idea of having acquaintances and letting them know that they are only that. If an acquaintance considers her a best friend, she is not obliged to call them her best friend too. This. Kind. Of. Hurt. Imagine considering someone your best friend but having them reject that on your part? Ouch. However, I had to remind myself that at the end of the day, we all have the freedom to pick and choose who we want to have that close and personal to us, that's life. 

Toxic masculinity also reared its ugly head here. A male respondent said: "It's more of a girly thing than a guy thing." So a male with a best friend (who is also male) is considered to be gay, but is completely allowed to have a female best friend without the same judgement placed on him RIGHT?. He is also supposed to have a "best man" on his wedding day. The irony. I'm going to leave that point unfinished before I start banging my head against the wall trying to find out why guys act like this. 

I posted this question around 2pm in the afternoon and around 10pm at night, I still had the same responses that were leaning towards either having serious trust issues with friends, therefore never giving the idea of best friends a chance OR having been betrayed way too much by best friends, they had completely cancelled the idea of having one from their lives. I was starting to give up, until I received a response from a lady who has had a best friend from childhood whom she's never had a fight with. "Teach us your ways master" was my response. How? She is in the age range of 20-22, living in the same society that you and I live in and still believes in best friends and actually has one that she considers family. Here, no boxes were being ticked off, so I can't tell you how to graduate your regular friend into a best friend. 

Here are the benefits of having a best friend though;

"The benefits are that you always have someone there for you, someone who you know has got your back and someone you can trust. 
The other thing is that you get so close and even your families get close.
The best part about it is that nothing is forced and nothing feels forced. There’s no fear of being judged yet you know she’s one person who will be straight up honest with you."

This then lead me to adding an additional question to my list of questions I had prepared for this series.