Friendship Dynamics - Responses I
- Ntombizodwa Luwaca
- Apr 19, 2020
- 6 min read
R: Response
Q: Question from me
WHAT TYPE OF A FRIEND DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?
"Have someone thinking if they are what they really think they are."RESPONSE I
R: Well you didn’t beat around the bush, huh. Straight for the kill. Have someone thinking if they are what they really think they are. Well for the most part I’m open to getting to know people, I like to understand and learn about you. I feel like it creates a path to have some type connection and in a sense it allows me to be comfortable to talk to you and not hold myself back. A lot of my friendships are based on an emotional connection. I like to help, so if someone needs comforting or whatever, I try my best to make them feel better, whether through talking, a young hug or perhaps just sitting in silence. I just don’t like it when I know someone is not alright and there’s a way for me to help, you know. Personally, I think I’m weird, in a good way of course. I may just be funny, not the biggest joker in town but I’ve got a bit of a funny bone. I’m quite talkative, though sometimes I do just stay silent and listen. I like making a person feel good about themselves so I’d like to call myself a hype man.
P.S that tiny friend.
Q: Have you ever asked someone for their opinion on what type of friend they think you are?
R: Norr I don’t think I have.
Q: What would you do if they opposed your thinking?
R: Well it depends doesn’t it, it’s your personal opinion. If you don’t find me funny, fine, but the mere fact that you’re smiling is enough for me. On the more serious, emotional part I’d want know how I’m actually being as a friend and is it in a positive way and if not, I’ll self reflect and work towards being the friend I think I am. Or well, I’d like to be.
Q: Do you need to be reassured that you're a good friend?
R: Well, I remember this one day one of my friend’s was not in the best of moods, I don’t particularly remember how or what lead her to feel the way she did. To be honest emotions were running high that whole week but there was a moment where I wondered to myself that evening, if I’m a good friend, I never got around to asking but the thought tickled my mind for a bit of while. I just don’t think it’s a need for me to be reassured though, I would tell in the way someone is around me, the change in energy and how they communicate to me, you know.
"There's nothing I can do, it's their own opinion, it is what it is"RESPONSE II
R: I'm that friend who walk behind you on the sidewalk if the is no space
Q: So you're saying that you are the type of friend that would put your friends first?
Have you ever asked one of your friends to describe what type of a friend you are?
R: Yes I have
Q: Was it the same as how you just described yourself?
R: They say I'm more of an action speaks louder than words kind of guy.
Q: What would happen if you asked a friend to describe your friendship style and their description opposed yours and the one you just gave above, what would you do?
R: There's nothing I can do, it's their own opinion, it is what it is
Q: So you won't feel some type of way at all?
R: Not at all.
The pictures above were sent to me by RESPONSE II, they asked two of their friends to describe them (not on my request of course)
"I taught myself to be conscious with the words I use especially describing myself"RESPONSE III
R: I think I'm that friend that would drop anything and everything to help my friend, especially close friends. I create a judgement free space so a person can feel comfortable expressing themselves with no hassle and I'm genuine and very honest. May seem mean sometimes but I prefer constructive criticism than letting someone make silly embarrassing mistakes. Basically I'm a tough love kind of friend tbh (to be honest)
Q: How would you feel if someone told you you're not a good friend?
R: That would be their opinion. So I wouldn't make a big deal of but I'd distance myself from that person since to them I'm not the friend the need.
Q: #RealTalk, it doesn't affect you in anyway?
R: I would be hurt but over the years I've learnt that everyone has a different opinion of me, some good and some bad but that's not my problem because I have friends who think I'm a good friend so I can't allow one or two people with different opinions to change my authenticity. Lol, I've grown tough skin from many failed friendships and relationships and my heart might have grown a little cold and uncaring to those who have hurtful views of me. So I understand if it doesn't make sense or seem real. There was a point it used to hurt so much I'd breakdown and cry and I was depressed because of a friendship that went sour and I got out of that depression a tougher person than I was
Q: Okay, so this is how you used to react, now you've changed? Do you like having the tough skin?
R: I grew. Most times yes because it works as a defense for me as a sensitive person. But other times I just wanna be vulnerable but I can't because of this toughness I've gotten used to
Q: *Changed vs grew* What's the difference between these two words for you? Do you think it's good for us to live in defense?
R: I feel like changed is a sudden transformation for example it's like changing your wardrobe or diet it's something that easily happens. Growth is something we're forced to do and it's sometimes not so easily done. But it happens step by step. I think it's good due to the world we live in filled with narcissistic people who don't care about other people's feelings but to some extent it's not healthy to close ourselves off to those who deserve to know who we are. And I'm trying to balance the two currently
Q: Okay. I love your awareness of words. Where does it come from?
R: Idk (I don't know). I guess it's the books I read and shows I watch.
Q: I'm just asking because this isn't the first time you've insisted in using certain words over others and I'm quite intrigued by it
R: I taught myself to be conscious with the words I use especially describing myself.
"I believe everyone is entitled to their experience of me"RESPONSE IV
R: I am like an anchor, I am the friend you come to when you need a reality check either when you need to get a better perspective of things or when you need to be reminded about who the fuck you are. I think I am encouraging and supportive, I give you your own space to live the life you want to live without abandoning you whenever you need me. I think I play that role in most if not all my friendships
Q: What would happen if a close friend of yours opposed your description?
R: Then they are in their right to do so. It's their experience of me I can't say they are lying
Q: So you're cool with opposing opinions of the type or friend you are flying around?
R: Yes. I believe everyone is entitled to their experience of me
Q: And it doesn't bother you at all? #RealTalk
R: Overtime I have learned that I am only responsible for what I put out there but I am not responsible for how others may interpret it, and because of that I can't be too pressed of how others interpret me or my actions or intentions, it isn't even about whether they are coming from a good place or a negative place it's just a matter of understanding that as much as I have control over the person I choose to be, others also have the right to receive me however way they choose to receive me.
"..I am only responsible for what I put out there but I am not responsible for how others may interpret it, and because of that I can't be too pressed of how others interpret me or my actions or intentions.."
"I don't think I should be the one to judge how I am as a friend"RESPONSE V
R: I don't know actually
Q: Then how are you able to say you have friends?
R: Well damn!
Q: It's a genuine question. I'm not even being mean
R: Yeah I know I understand
But to answer your question:
The only reason I say that I don't know what type of friend I am is because I don't think I should be the one to judge how I am as a friend. Some may say that I'm a great friend and some may say I'm terrible. So honestly I don't think I am one to judge.
"I don't want it to get deep."RESPONSE VI
R: I'm more of an acquaintance and I'm never really a "best friend". I just don't allow things to get too deep!
Q: Why?
R: I give full commitment to all my relationships "friendships" and I find that most of the friends I've had in my life just take advantage of the fact that I'm kind and I always go an extra mile And on their side they don't even go half a mile for me. That's why I don't want it to get deep.
Comments