Friendship Dynamics - Responses IV

Ntombizodwa Luwaca
Apr 22, 2020
6 min read

R: Response

Q: Question from me

DO YOU BELIEVE IN BEST FRIENDS? IF SO, WHAT WHAT BOXES MUST A REGULAR FRIEND TICK TO UPGRADE TO A BEST FRIEND?

RESPONSE I

"you get so close and even your families get close"

R: I believe in best friends because I have one. We’ve been together for 16 years and we’ve never fought, not even a young argument. We go way back so as for boxes that a friend should tick to fit into the ‘best friend’ category, I don’t know

Q: You've never fought?! How? Teach us your ways master

R: Never I guess it was just meant to be

Q: And everything is good on both sides?

R: Yeah

Q: Wait, quick question, what are the benefits of having a best friend? A lot of people don't, and I don't know how to sell the idea to them, if I ever had to

R: The benefits are that you always have:

someone there for you,

someone who you know has got your back and

someone you can trust.

The other thing is that you get so close and even your families get close. I don’t have an older sister and she has two, so they’re just like my sisters.

The best part about it is that nothing is forced and nothing feels forced. There’s no fear of being judged yet you know she’s one person who will be straight up honest with you.

Q: I like how you said "even your families get close." Someone told me that friends are not family therefore they should never get too close.

In a world filled with so much stories of betrayal and fights, especially among best friends; how do you wake up daily and have the courage to keep the friendship going? Because a lot of people do not even want to hear the word "best friend", let alone have one. And do you agree with the statement that only family can become best friends?

R: I guess we’re fortunate to have met when we were young so we grew up together and we’re like sisters. We can actually go days without talking and it’s not even a big deal.

I don’t really believe that only family can become best friends because my family (not immediate) is not that close. I think that friends are chosen but family is not, so the friends that you have are all people you vibe with yet it might not be the case with family because you’re ‘forced’ to have the people in your life.

RESPONSE II

"Regular friends switch up too, so what's wrong with best friends switching up?"

R: Nope

Q: Why not?

R: Because people switch up

Q: Regular friends switch up too, so what's wrong with best friends switching up?

R: That's someone someone you don't expect to switch up. That person is supposed to be there for you, they are supposed to be your 'day one'

Q: So do you not like best friends because you don't want to be disappointed or you genuinely just don't like them?

R: I don't dislike them, I just don't have one because I don't want to be disappointed

Q: Is it normal for a guy to have a best friend or is it something that's looked down upon

R: Some guys have best friends

Q: Is it acceptable to say "I have a best friend" in the black male culture?

R: Not really, it's considered to be gay

Q: Why?

R: It's more of a girly thing than a guy thing

Q: Why though?

R: Because of toxic masculinity

Q: And do you follow it?

R: Nope

Q: So you would rather choose to not be disappointed over having a best friend?

R: Yes

Q: Have you ever had a best friend?

R: Yes but now we just friends

Q: Why? What happened?

R: I was disappointed

Q: Was it the one time you were disappointed that you decided not to have a best friend again?

R: It was a contributing factor

Q: What else contributed?

R: I just like being on my own

Q: Without friends or without a best friend?

R: All of the above

Q: Haibo. Zero friends?

R: I do have friends but I don't rely that much on them

Q: Is it? Do you really think we can survive without friends?

R: Not really, it gets lonely sometimes.

RESPONSE III

"Even if you give me 200% respect, but I see you disrespecting someone else just because you think they are lower than you, you can never become my best friend."

R: No. We can just be good friends but best friend is something else. Best friend is a relationship between siblings

Q: Why only between siblings?

R: Because there's a deeper bond that ties you besides your friendship. Siblings care about you genuinely because your pain is their pain and your success is their success.

Q: And friends cannot do that?

R: For most of the friends I've had NO. I think most friends are superficial. Or maybe it might be because I care about people a lot and they just don't care about me as much

Q: That's a very bold no.

Have you ever had a best friend?

R: I'd say no again. Not so bold this time. But I've never really had a best friend. I have really good friends but not a best friend.

Q: Would you ever be willing to have a best friend though?

R: Yes. Yes I would.

Q: So what would you have to see in the friend for them to become a best friend?

R: A person who is honest and genuine. Someone who gives the 100% that they get from the friendship. Someone with morals, values and will stick to them no matter what. A lot of people seem like they have strong morals and values and when challenges come they abandon their values and morals like they never had them in the first place.

Q: Do all your current friends know how you feel about best friends?

R: No. I've tried to voice it out once but before everyone got my point it wasn't received very well. So I just decided to keep it to myself

Q: Why do you think it wasn't received so well?

And what would you do if one of your friends started calling you "bestie" out of the blue one day?

R: (the first question) When you describe something general you don't like and people see that thing in themselves, they don't like to hear it. People don't like to be criticized even if it's constructive.

(the second question) I'll just let them. You may consider me a best friend, but I don't. I may be the exact definition of what you want in a best friend, but I won't call you a best friend back. I'll still give you 100% effort on my side, but just as a friend.

There's a saying that goes: "when days are dark, friends are few" BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT FAMILY.

EXTRA THOUGHTS:

When things are still good between friends who have the potential of becoming best friends, you can tell that the person is nice to you because things are still good. It hurts me when we go out and a person that I call a friend treats other people like they are not human. If a person portrays themselves as a nice person to me, they should also be nice to others. Even if you give me 200% respect, but I see you disrespecting someone else just because you think they are lower than you, you can never become my best friend.

Then there are those friends that are there because they are benefiting from you. When they don't want anything anymore, they leave. When you are in need the most, they don't show that they care, no phone call, no text.

Friends are not family. There are people who have friends that are so close they are practically family. With family, there's "that thing", a bond that ties you. You are fully committed and you cannot just wake up and break that bond, like it or not, you'll always be connected and must look out for each other. Friends are not obliged to commit to anything. You can just work friends out of your life without even saying anything.

The commitment that friends have in your life is not that deep. As people we expect our friends to act like our family and they are not. They are just really good people that we click with and can do things we have in common together but a lot of the times we mistake them for family and we think they are going to be there all the time and be truthful and honest, not knowing that there will come a time where they will choose themselves. I'm not saying that they should sacrifice themselves for us, but there will come a time where they will do something that benefits them, but hurts us.

There's a saying that goes: "when days are dark, friends are few" BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT FAMILY. A lot of friends take advantage of others because they know that you are good and forgiving no matter what they do. I've learnt to draw the line and stay in my boundaries because friends are definitely not family.