Friendship Dynamics - Responses VII
- Ntombizodwa Luwaca
- Apr 23, 2020
- 6 min read
R: Response
Q: Question from me
IS THERE A BENEFIT TO HAVING FRIENDS THAT ARE OLDER THAN YOU?
"Thankfully I got the good ones, people who have influenced me well"
RESPONSE I
R: Definitely! Even though most of us grew up being told to stick to our age group, because older people know and do older peoples things, which I sort of agree with until a certain age, maybe 18 or 20, I think it's great to have a variety of friends in terms of age, sexual orientation, race, background, interests, career etc. There's always something to learn from someone different from you. I've had awesome experiences with older friends, thankfully I got the good ones, people who have influenced me well
Q: How does one know that their older friends are a bad influence?
R: I think obvious bad advice, influence and pressure. Getting you to do things that you aren't comfortable doing and making it seem like you are an idiot or childish for not wanting to do it. But then again that can come from an age-mate as well
Q: But from an adult who can easily manipulate a younger person and convince them that wrong things are right, how does the young person tell that it's wrong besides intuition?
Or rather how does a young person get out?
Because as young people we want to explore and know more and do things and we see older friends as the key to doing that. Sometimes our intuition is just off. How do I then get out? Or even know
R: I think intuition, remember your values and parents teachings. Also both are adults, being a few years older does not necessarily mean the one has power over the other because of age. And exploring you'd do even with younger or same age people, how would one get out then? Same way as above I believe.
Q: What if you grew up in a house with no value lessons OR you grew up in a house that had too many rules and values, then you get out and meet older people?
R: What if it's the same and you go out and meet your age mates? Thankfully I got the good ones, people who have influenced me well. If ones unfortunate to meet older bad friends, its made to seem like their influence is because of the age
Q:Think like an adult who seems "cool", but is actually a terrible influence
And think like a young person who is just too curious about the life and the things in it, has no depth to them, no growth is lessons to learn from
Let me show you something:
"Yes. We tend to take the advice we get from older friends more serious so if they are always negative that'll will have a bad influence on our thoughts"
This is from a young person
R: Then its unfortunate, you'll be badly influenced by that older person. Intuition, but if that's not on your side, it's unfortunate. Also, like any other friend of yours, check the persons character and how they generally carry themselves even with other people. Observe and chuck them out if they're not building you
Q: That's not how the youngsters of this generation think
All they want to do is fit in. And the older the friends are, the cooler they are seen as. They don't take time to evaluate their friends and not an inch of intuition goes into selecting friends
How do you save yourself then?
R: Also, in case its not obvious, I've always been uncool, literally all my life, lol and I've always been 'too mature' for my age. Even with 'my generation' there are people who made friends with older, bad influences, and unfortunately for them, they're going through the consequences of the bad decisions they made.
Some might not have had the best upbringing and others were just rebellious.
Yes, they took the older friends much more seriously than us, and I think it was somewhat age-related. I don't know what they could have done to get out of that bad influence, because they didn't listen to us, didn't listen to their parents. I just think it's really really unfortunate. They seem to be under a spell when they're friends with those type of people, so it's sad. Pray for good influence, to be surrounded by good people in your life.
"...actually I prefer them than my peers"RESPONSE II
R: Yes, I benefit a lot from them, actually I prefer them than my peers. I don't know why but most of the time I feel like they understand me better, they understand my thoughts, appreciate me, respect me and love me as I am. I'm not saying my peers don't do that it's just that they (older people) do it better. The problem is that if they have family or business problems you suffer the most talking from experience, most of the time they take an advantage that you're younger than them. All I can say is that they're great.
Q: If you could, would you get rid of all your age mates and get only older friends?
R: Iyoh! that's a tough question Ntombi, no I like having them both. I learn different things from them. I would prefer more age mates and only one older friend
Q: Do you think older people can age you faster?
R: By aging faster you mean what? Physically or mentally or both? Holistic? please explain I don't understand
Q: Mentally. Like they take away your ability to think like a young person?
R: Ohh I get you now. both can help me age faster it just depends on how mature is your friend. But I can say older people help me age faster because having them allows me to have compassion and empathy in my day-to-day life. They have plenty of useful knowledge and experience. I know sometimes it's nice to experience things by yourself so that you can learn from your mistakes. Secondly they help me navigate work life (especially those I share passion with, they play a deeper role in my life), financial or family difficulties, break ups even though I've never been in a relationship. They have deeper sense of mutual sincerity and respect than us. With age comes confidence, they inspire, even some of my peers inspire me including you, you have such great confidence and personality. Lastly their presence have calming effect and I feel comfortable discussing my personal life with them, because most of the if I tell my age mates about my personal life they just find it funny. Okay! lemme stop here so the answer is: Yes older people age me faster. But keep in mind that you can find these values or characteristics, okay I don't know what to call it, in your age mates, it's very rare though
Q: Okay that's good and positive right. But what I'm asking is, can they take away your youth? Make you too serious about life when you should just relax and breathe, because they are in a different place mentally?
R: Ohhh, they don't take away my youth they just help me grow and act maturely in difficult situations. I can say that they help me not to repeat the mistakes, that's the key point. They allow me to be who I am. Actually if you're having an older friend in most cases you don't feel she's older than you instead you make them feel younger again. I hope you're understand. So, they don't make me too serious.
"I think what makes a person older is their maturity and not always their age"RESPONSE III
R: Yes and No
Q: Why?
R: 1. I think friendships where one friend is older are a lot more peaceful. There's no competition and unnecessary comparisons. Older friends tend to focus on their life and their goals while being there for you as well. I find most times that same age friends tend to focus more on what is going on in your life and they don't take it that well if you reach a certain milestone that both of you were aiming for before them.
And for the no part; sometimes we have older friends who are really immature and although they are older than us we are older than them in the sense that we are much more mature. I think what makes a person older is their maturity and not always their age
Q: Can they ever have a bad influence on you though?
R: Yes. We tend to take the advice we get from older friends more serious so if they are always negative that will have a bad influence on our thoughts.
Comments