Daddy, Dada, De, Father, Papa I

Disclaimer: I do not fit into all the descriptions of children given below. Although they are written in first person, it is not me speaking in all of them :)

Father

/ˈfɑːðə/

a man in relation to his child or children.

This definition from the Oxford dictionary does not really give the responsibilities that a father must carry out towards his children. It basically just says he is "in relation" to his children, basically no action, just vibes.

Unfortunately most fathers are just that, vibes. This blog post will not describe the type of fathers we have in this world, there are way too many of those, rather it will lay out the type of children we are. I'm hoping that future fathers will see this and identify their child in one of these descriptions and try to adapt their "relation" with their child.

DATE ME

This is usually a girl child. I'm only starting to understand how my relationship with my father affects the way I behave in relationships. I don't expect much from partners, I open my own doors, order my own food, sit down before he pulls the chair and send the good morning texts we all desire to receive. This can easily be mistaken for the independent mami, getting her things done on her own, a self-empowered woman and trust me, there's nothing wrong with this woman, I think she is awesome and I praise her.

But it wasn't until I found myself sitting in a doctor's office crying when the doctor asked me "how is your relationship with your father?"

I wanted to roll my eyes and ask her what that had to do with the recurrent pain I had been feeling on my shoulder. My response was: "he's there, he gives the money and he works hard to provide, but he says we should talk to our mom if we have any problems, communicating is 'not his thing'"

"fathers must date their daughters and date them well"                                                               

The doctor's response was: "You know sometimes girls tend to develop weird and untreatable conditions from a lack of affection from their fathers, no this does not mean that they have to be physically intimate with their daughters, what I mean is that fathers must date their daughters and date them well. The first boyfriend a daughter will have on this earth is her father and if he does not date her, she will constantly struggle to find her worth in relationships"

It's simple, spend time with your daughters, go for walks and switch off your business head, open yourself up to truly listening to her and what she really desires and showing her how to identify guys that are up to no good by setting the standard for her. It's all about standards, date me so I can know the standard.

MENTOR ME

Mentor

/ˈmɛntɔː/

an experienced and trusted adviser.

The word "adviser" is very important in that definition. I may need your guidance, I may need you to be my role model, but I don't want to be YOU. Daddy remember that you are pilot and I want to be a poet, mentor me on the people I should watch out for from your social experiences or meet my poetry friends and quietly observe us, then pull me aside and tell me which ones you think are pulling me down and those I should stick to.

"as much as true love exists, it will not come running to me on a diamond encrusted gold carriage"

MAKE ME BELIEVE IN LOVE

Kiss her in front of me, yes, your wife. Make an effort to gross me out sometimes. I may cringe in front of you, but when I'm alone, I smile at the comforting thought she's not just "mom", she was babe before mom and love truly does exist. I am absolutely in love with husbands who acknowledge all the parts that their wives are; a business woman, a mother, a cook, a wife, a babe, my girl etc.. all in one.

Be careful, don't pretend, I can feel it. I may be oblivious when I'm young and believe it, but as I start to grow up, ha.a man. Also, tell me about your hardships, the fights you had to endure to be where you are today. Tell me why you didn't give up on her and why she didn't give up on you. Show me that as much as true love exists, it will not come running to me on a diamond encrusted gold carriage. Show me daddy, that the woman I will marry will not be free from baggage and that I will have to make some compromises and let go of the toxic masculinity I learnt from society, or maybe from you.

DADDY PLEASE STOP DRINKING

"drinking alcohol is a habit that is built unknowingly over time"

This is a unisex child. I want my father to stop drinking when he has to talk to us, I want my father to be able to sit at the dinner table and not have a glass of alcohol that dims down his real personality or helps him to gain confidence. I want my father to not go to clubs at 6pm and come back and throw up in my mother's bed at 01.00am in the morning. If you are going to reprimand me from the dangers of drinking can you at least stop drinking too?

Drinking alcohol is a habit that is built unknowingly over time. I was talking to my friend a couple of weeks ago and she told me that her boyfriend came over and they ordered a six pack of Brutal Fruit (yummmmy). They managed to finish four bottles together and he left two in her fridge. The following week she drank a bottle a day just to "loosen up and enjoy a good meal" after a hectic day. She could not help but admit to me that she had the best sleep she had ever had in a while on the two days she "loosened up." So we "loosen up" three times a week, then everyday, because we need more and now we can handle it right? But who are we abandoning in the process? Our thoughts? Fatigue? The wife? or Me, your child?

The second part of this blog will describe a few more types of children and then explain why I decided to write this series in the first place.

Enjoy xx